Thursday, January 13, 2011

unmotivated

assalamualaikum


mulanya aku rasa macam *ah, malasnya nak update benda ni. tapi, aku ade something yang aku rase tak dapat *keep silent. argh, need scream loudly. kelmarin aku pegi sekolah. yer la, as a president of the computer club i have to play my role. I'm not the EX-president yet. *sigh, I promise to myself ; I don't want to involve myself into all kind this thing. but, I'm totally wrong. they need me. aih*


so, yesterday I came to school. wearing unformal clothes *baju kurung. everyone *stop and stare at me like a stranger. like a bushman come to a city. am I so weird? I mean, *did I un-wearing a clothes ? *naked. ouh, puhhleease me. fine, thats I don't mind at all.


what I do mind is, the perception of my teachers about me. when, meet my teachers, for sure la kan I'll greet them. whoever they are. ever teached me or not. and they asked unexpected question. *kenapa tak daftar stam? *xsei ngaji doh ko? sero bulih masuk u doh la?* I feel like...*what ? I dont ever say like that. feel so guilty to myself. should they ask me like that? shame. there's no answer for those question.


the words still keep dancing in my mind. and it will repeat each time I think about my future. they had trashed all my motivation. they had damaged all my spirits. aih* why I am so vulnerable ? I need a word to reassure me. disappointed


aih*. life is hard. keep moving forward and ignore the others. what else should I say? *silent T.T


2 comments:

miss nureen said...

ignore the voices!
u urself who's going to choose which path r u taking...

laDy zAzA said...

thanks for the words. u're right.
sebelum nea pun, fikir mcm tuh. my life, my choice. but, its almost vanish...